Trying to dig my brain, trying to dig out these issues that keep me awake until the break of dawn, in reality I can't blame anyone, I want to, I know my parents splitting up when I was 4 has something to do with why I hate myself so much.
My mum blames my dad, she can't stress enough of how bad he was as a father, where as he can't stress enough how he wishes he fought to bring me up.
I was stuck in the middle of this constant battle, and here I am, completely fucked.
So stressed, so in debt, I'm such a mess.
It's time to let go of the past, and build bridges. I know it wasn't perfect, I know I didn't always get what I needed, but this isn't about money, don't they get it, I don't care about the money.
I'm stuck in this state of mind, where I can't quite word how I'm feeling I just know I can't live like this. I don't wanna die I just wanna learn how to live. Where is my quality of life? I wake up some days and I can't even cope with the light shining through my bedroom window, its constant darkness, constant fear of the unknown.
I blaze all the time just to escape my brain, but I'm left clouded, lethargic, unmotivated.
I need help, I need to face this, why can't I face this?