She’s got you thinking this is how you’re supposed to be. Well, it’s not! We’re young. We’re supposed to drink too much. We’re supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other’s brains out. We are designed to party. This is it. Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. And that’s what it’s all about - breaking eggs! And by eggs, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As. If you could just see yourselves! It breaks my heart. You’re wearing cardigans! We had it all. We fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful! We’re screw-ups. I’m a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her… or anyone else, take that away from me.

Heartless

For once my eyes are open to you, and everything you've said
For once your web of lies is in the open
I gave you everything I had, until I had nothing left
Still you act as if I'm just a burden
I've finally let go
Stay silent at least for now, and let me move on
Cause I'm so done playing these games with my heart
I've been around the world and back for you, and now its time to choose
I've been swallowed by this wreck that you call your life
I'm damaged from the inside. I've been broken
Don't threaten me with what you think I feel
If you could read my mind you'd be in tears
I'm sick of your excuses you hold above me
I've finally come to terms with what I am
I'm nothing in your eyes, and this will not change. I'm living in a dream
Stay silent at least for now, and let me move on
Cause I'm so done playing these games with my heart
I've been around the world and back for you, and now its time to choose
And I'll close my eyes, and dream of a better time
when I'm finally past this and happy on my own
I've done all I can, and I've still been cast aside
All I ever wanted to be was be the one who would wipe those tears from your eyes
But I guess I'll play second best, to a world that will never care about you
When will you understand to them you're just another pretty face?
You'll tell me that you care, and then you run straight back to her
I can hear your words of treason from a mile away
You never did know how to whisper
You're such a liar. Tell me the truth
Do the world a favor stop cutting your arms, and slit your throat.

Good evening.

I feel like death warmed up today, mentally I'm feeling quite productive, but unfortunately my body is saying other things.
I went out to dark party last night for the first time in a month or so, considering I went with next to no money, I had a pretty awesome night, goes to show all you need is good company and the night will be a win.
Last weekend I got a little too drunk and ended up getting tattooed, a heart on my finger, and an anti Christ on my ankle (yeah I know, I'm going to hell) anyway the heart was clearly too deep and now looks like a piece of play dough that has had a shape cut into it LOL. I'm not too worried as when it heals I will just get it re done... sober. I got another heart on my right hand on Friday afternoon, a broken heart this time, oh this is me all over isn't it haha, this one appears to be healing nicely, for such small tattoos its almost crazy how addicted I have already become, I have so many planned and I'm so excited to make a start!

Sweet

Born and raised

We were born and raised
To live beyond
The heft and weight of a world undone
Like a bird from the north
Our hearts will roam in search of warmth.


I don't think I ever realised, just quite how far under I let myself slip... So we're half way through 2010, and this year has by far been one of the worst I can remember. The last few months were more than hard, I think I hit a place that clouded my mind up so much, now when I try to remember how I felt all I see is a mist.. Its only when I hear certain songs or music that I listened to religiously at that point in my 'break down' or whatever you want to call it, that I think to myself.. wow, when did I become so weak, at least at that time I thought I was weak, I mean even now I'm not fully recovered, but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel now.

I literally couldn't explain where my head was at, there is no possible way, and its probably one of the hardest things that someone could try and understand. I was so wreckless, I didn't care, to a point I still don't, but I'm definitely stronger now.

'I tell my friends, it won't be long
Before it's time for me to come back home
It feels like I'm ready for anything
If you can wait for me.'

I am coming home, I'm scared that I will fall back into a black hole, because even remembering, just brings me down, makes me want to sleep and not wake up.
I can honestly say, I've lost some, I've gained some, but at least I know what's real and what isn't now.. I think I'm getting back on track, I hope so, and I can hope.

I'm just cleaning up the mess I made, a toast to the future.