I don't believe

That you will ever truly be happy until you can learn to be yourself, and not just try to please everyone else, do what you want, don't let anyone tell you who to be and how to act. Because that wont make you happy.

I hate this

This weekend has been so crazy, in an attempt to forget my troubles and have fun I went out on Saturday, it was a really good night, got so messed up though, ended up back at someone's house with a few friends to carry on partying and we didn't even sleep.
Anyway I got home at about 4/5 on Sunday evening, by this time I was sober so all my sane thoughts had arrived back in my head, and right now I'd rather forget.
Today has probably been one of the most eventful in a while, I thought I was doing the right thing, well I know I was, but it doesn't matter what you do and how hard you try because you're never going to stop being tested, and I don't believe in karma, for the simple fact that I've done so much good for this, and all that has come of it is hurt, pain, anger..etc, and even though you hate me, I will never hate you, I will only hate the fact that I love you so much and that's not enough.

Thanks.

Its a lovely day, I just got paid

Mm, thought I would do a little bit of shopping today, to lift my mood, Oh it worked wonders. I purchased a very lovely Coral body con dress from asos, along with the opal ring I wanted to buy! I then went on to ebay and decided to purchase some lilac Barry M nail polish, along with button moon nail polish, and also some coral lipstick, haha.

I thought I'd head into town to get some hair dye as my roots are awful and then I remembered I had found a gold bracelet at Ashridge on Sunday, so I decided to see if I could sell it, and to my surprise I got £20 for it, not bad eh.
So I decided to buy make up to add to the 6 foundations I already have sitting on my shelf that I don't use, lol.

Rainy days

Today has been the cloudiest, rainiest, darkest day..
I don't think I could quite explain my feelings today, up and down I suppose.
I've been through so much in the last 2 months, and I'm still standing, so I beg of you try to push me down because I'm not going to budge. I hate that you can be the most loyal of people, you can do no wrong, and it still all blows up in your face, it makes me wonder what is the point of it all, why even bother in the first place when there's no happy ending.

On a more positive note I won't give up trying, because I feel there's more to come, and I feel like giving up on you would make me a failure, and I won't fail. This illness seems to have gotten the better of you, and that's fine because I can wait.

Mmmm

How cute is this! Yummy.

Choose Life

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday night. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.


One of my all time favourite quotes. Trainspotting.

Happy sunday

Its kind of strange to think of celebrating a day for my mum, and as much as I love and appreciate being put on this earth because of her, I can't say we've ever had a close nit relationship, if a relationship at all to be honest... its something I have always wished for and always wanted, but for some reason nothing ever changes. I sometimes look at my friends with their mums, and I think to myself what it would be like to have my mum as my friend, I'm a little envious when my friends get a call or a text from their mum just to see how they are, or just checking up on them, and I'm aware that sounds silly, and If you're that person that receives it then I'm sure it gets tedious and irritating!

but when you've never experienced it, its almost something I long for. Even when I was a little girl, I would stay at friends houses for weeks on end, and nothing, not even a phone call, And I'm not saying my mum is a bad mum because she isn't at all, but I think she holds up a barrier to all her emotions including what she shows for her children. If I have learned anything from growing up this way, its that I know when/if I ever decide to have children, I will always try to be more than just 'mum'.

G'evening

Hey, managed to coax myself out of bed this morning, although I won't lie it was hard. I went and met some of my friends for lunch and we ended up staying in there for 3 hours or so just chatting shit to each other aha. Some people need to sit down and take a good hard look in the mirror at themselves, is it possible that one person could be so aggressive? I can honestly say when I'm around them its almost as if I have to zip my mouth shut, you make me feel uncomfortable.
Anyway on a lighter note, I've had a pretty good day, perked up, felt happy, but I feel like that's all slipping to the back of my mind again. Yesterday I almost thought I wanted to feel this way, today I'm feeling positive, I will bring myself back from this, I'm determined, and I hope to God that everything works out In my favour in the end.

Hopefully I'm going to be able to spend some time with my other half tonight! who knows.
Hmm totally off subject but isn't it funny that people don't have the guts or the respect to say anything to your face, they hide behind anything they can, in my case, an anonymous website, I've been called an attention seeker, aha! which I am far from, and also I need to sort my priorities out? do I? really? I don't think I do. Funnily enough I think they do, seeing as this anonymous person can't speak their mind to my face, what has this generation come to? am I the only one that's old fashioned here? I mean if I have some issue with a person, I will most definitely tell them to their face what's bothering me. Maybe I stand alone on that one.
I feel like I'm babbling now aha, I'll post tomorrow! :)

Morning

Well its afternoon technically ha, Just sleep all the time lately!
probably not good for me at all. I have a job interview today, hope i get it, although i have zero motivation for anything at the moment. Got my official interview letter for college through yesterday aswell, thats on the 18th of this month. I don't really know what to say if i'm honest, might post again later if something inspires me aha.

Laters guys x

Hello

Well i spent most of today asleep, im so exhausted lately, mm fun i know.
I thought i'd show you a few things on my 'To Buy' list, i haven't shopped in a while, im having withdrawal symptoms, lol.

mmm beige mac, for some unknown reason i have never actually purchased one, but this year i most deffinately will, simple but classic!

>

Peach suede platform court shoe, gorgeous! i usually stick to blacks and dark colours when it comes to buying heels, but the upcoming season is all about pastels and i just had to hop on board!



Opaque stone ring, i love this, just a dash of colour to add to a simple outfit!




Theres loads of stuff i want to buy, and i'll get there eventually haha.

Bye!